Living in the Grace of God ( Ningsih (Mrs. Philipus) )
I give thanks because there was fasting prayer on Wednesday. I could say that the saying of Rev. Widjaja that fasting prayer does not make us sickwas right. Two weeks ago before Jesus' Ascension Service, there had been an announcement about fasting prayer on Tuesday. At that time, there was a longing in my heart to do the service fully via live-broadcast. I prepared all matters early in the morning on Tuesday. After the second session at 4.00 p.m., I felt my body sick and got headache. I thought at that time that I would not continue my fasting because of my bad health. I finished my fasting and then I took a bath and did house works. I got stomachache, and pain in my bosom, and neck, up to the head while doing the house works and it got more painful. My bosom was very painful until I was difficult to breathe and I felt the pain piercing up to my back. I stopped doing my work and lay on my bed, praying to God "Why God? I was okay when I fasted, and soon He reminded me that I had made a commitment to fast and pray fully but then I followed my flesh sound because of my worry and unbelief. I also remembered that I had committed fasting prayer once in two weeks up to once a week and I seldom got my heartburn. I also seldom got sick in my bosom. I often got my pain when I began to worry and neglect my fasting prayer. I asked God's forgiveness solemnly because of my unbelief and worry which had made me painful not as usual. I gave thanks for the rebuke and grace of God that made me have practiced faith, not only in my lip.
I also give thanks that I could follow the fellowship in Ngawi, on June 3, 2011. I had said to my husband when the fellowship had been announced that I wanted to go if my children had their school holiday, I had thought that there would be school holiday on June 3, 2011. In fact, there was no holiday at that time when I saw the week schedule. There was a sorrow in my heart because I would not follow the fellowship again but on May 30, 2011 at day my husband asked me from his office about the school holiday. I was surprised and I said that I would ask to the school. As a result, there was no school holiday at that time. My husband told me to ask the permission from the school because he had got the permission from his office to follow the fellowship, so that we could follow the fellowship together. I asked the permission of the head master to bring my children to follow the fellowship in Ngawi. I did not hope much at that time because I saw that there was an enrichment program in the week schedule.The head master also answered that there was an enrichment program, so I thought that finally I could not follow the fellowship. Afterward, I asked about the enrichment program, whether it was about the inputting of school mark or not. The answer really made me surprise because the enrichment program mark would be inputted only for students, whose marks were not sufficient. The head master gave me permission because the mark of my child was good, and the enrichment program could be done when she began to study in the school again. I could not believe at that time, that I only asked a permission but I got both the permission and the solution. The Lord is very wonderful, I and my family could follow the fellowship in Ngawi together.
The last, I give thanks because of the opportunity God gave me to minister in playing keyboard. I thought it was my child who was given the opportunity, so I was relaxed. But then I was asked whether I could or not, and I did not dare to answer, I really feared. I had encouraged myself to play keyboard in the beginning of service in WR Supratman some years ago because there had not been a keyboardist at that time. My fear finally made me surrender because I only relied on my own strength and thought, so I gave the matter back to Rev. Widjaja. Some weeks ago there was one keyboard, on which there was none played, and I was surprised that I was given the opportunity to play on it. It was a hard process for me for I felt that I did not have any ability, but I wanted to be obedient this time. God's Word preached in Ngawi had told me that the Lord did not see the intelligence or ability of somebody but the important thing was holiness. Having talent added with the holiness, it would become a gift. That Word became my strength, as well as the Word nowadays that we have to receive and live in the grace. I did not have any ability, but I wanted to learn living in the grace of the Lord and surrendering and relying on Him, not on my own ability. I can only give thanks for the grace and trust of God in my life. Thank you.