I want to bear witness about the love and grace of God in my life.
I got an accident in September 2009 (please read: Great is God’s Mercy for Me
) and I have to face many impossible things.
In medical knowledge, my right eye cannot be helped anymore although with the transplantation because the optical nerve has broken, so it has been blind. The doctor says that the cause of the broken nerve may be the broken bone of my face that has hit it. Besides the right eye, my left eye cannot see clearly. It can see only in two or three meters distance but also dimly because the retina is fold. There is no equipment to make the surgery in Indonesia. The retinaexpert doctor in Japan, the best one in the world, also gives up because the fold is right in the eye. If there is any fault in the surgery, it will totally be blind.
My left ear also cannot hear anymore because of the destruction in the cochlea. The doctor also says that there is no technology that can produce a tool to replace the cochlea becauseit is a part of the ear that sends the message to the brain. Thus, hearing aid cannot solve the problem.
Moreover, my nose also cannot smell anything because of the accident.
It is only because of the grace of God that I can endure my life until this time. The other help I get from God is when I must take the surgery to remove the wire in my face (please read my testimony God’s Work in Me
Through that accident, there are many corrections God does to me, that I often neglected God in the past. I seldom prayed to God or read the Bible, even I did sins many times.Now I give thanks to God
. If the accident had not happened, I would have become old man who never realized my mistakes and failures.
Formerly, I always saw my condition before deciding to pray. If I was tired, I could only say "I’m sorry Lord, I was tired, please let me sleep...
"It is as if God had no meaning for me
. Likewise, in my service and ministry I felt nothing special, only as ritual.
God reminds me about my past life through the accident. I am ashamed with that. I always cry to Him that if I were able to return to my past life I would repair it. I give thanks to Him that He still gives me opportunity to repair my life
God begins to repair my worship prayer
. Formerly, I neglected it, but now I feel that it is my main need
. I fear that I will get worse things if I become negligent again
. I still have many weaknesses but I give thanks to God that the Shepherding Word keeps on reminding me about the importance of the worship prayer
I begin to enjoy the time at the foot of Jesus
. Sometimes I worship God and do not want to stop pouring my heart before Him because there are many things happen in my life I cannot tell other people exceptHim. Through the accident God makes me struggle with Him much more and cry or groan only to Him
, not to others.
God is very wonderful. He had prepared all things for me before the accident happened
. One thing He had prepared is the Bible. I cannot read it anymore but God reminds me that I have made the Bible program that is used in every service in our church. The font can be made bigger, so I can read it before worshiping God
God also corrects me aboutmy service and ministry to Him
. Formerly, I felt I was able to do all things, but now there are many limitations in my life
until I often shout within my heart "I will be able to do that if I am in my normal condition
". Nevertheless, God allows all things to happen to show me that I am nothing because He keeps on showing His power to help me doing my service and ministry to Him with many limitations in my life
. It is a real proof that I was nothing in the past, not only in this present time. It is only because of the grace of God that enables me. God gives me the gifts to do the ministry more when I have felt unable
My friends who know my condition amaze and ask me "How can you endure it?
" I only answer them, "It is not me who am strong but God who gives me strength through His Word.
" Logically, I cannot endure it even I often cry to God
in my prayer "How long I must experience all of these things? I have felt like I am going to die facing my condition added with other problems.
Therefore, I can feel the importance of shepherding and the true teaching Word
that continually guides and strengthens me to be patient waiting for the time of God’s help
.I can confess my weaknesses and sins to God and other people
. I also cry to God that He always reveals His Word to sanctify and show me my faults and sins. I pray "Let God give me opportunity to meet any people to whom I have to confess my sins and faults and remind me about my mistake through all ways when I still do not remember although I have seen them.
" I will finish all matters. There is nothing I hide from God and I do not want to keep any sin
I do not know the plan of God in my life but I give thanks that He keeps on guiding me through the Shepherding Word. The experience of King David in the Word of God preached by our pastor has strengthened me. Nowadays, I only strengthen my belief in God
and say "Let God do whatever good in His sight. I surrender to You
If my condition now is the best thing for me, I will be ready to undergo it as long as Jesus is always with me because it is better to have my present condition but the door of heaven is opened for me
than to have normal condition but the door of heaven is closed because of my falling and rising in sins through my five senses.
I give thanks to God although I must undergo very hard thing. His Word strengthens me and there is no doubt in my life. I keep on believing and fully entrusting my life to God
. I can feel the importance of solemnly doing the service and ministry to God
and there is no time to be not serious anymore.
God allows me to experience bitter thing when other people despises and rejects me because of my present condition
. I got distress for some days at that time. Praise the Lord, He reminds me that I am actually only clay which is not precious but worthy of being trampled
. If God had not given His mercy to me, I would have been not more than alive corpse. It makes me feel more unable and powerless without any precious thing in my life. I only cry to God "Let other people do this or that to me as long as God does not leave me and I still become precious before Him
".The more I minister to God, the more I feel that I can do nothing and all things only come from His grace
. Sometimes there are members of congregation that praise my ministry but it makes me feel ashamed and unworthy
. I only pray within my heart "Lord, I am unworthy, the praise is only for You, not for me, because I can do nothing without You
Spiritually, God corrects and guides me to return to the righteous way. Moreover He does not forget me in my physical life. He preserves me wonderfully
I must work in front of computer. Logically, there will be none who wants to use my service anymore but God gives His mercy to me. He gives me many blessings I never think, even I get client from other country. Actually that client does not need my service because there are many people who work the service like I do, even cleverer than me, in his country.
God is very wonderful. Before the accident happened, He had prepared all things
, both spiritual ones like the testimony above and physically
Before the accident happened, I had worked some jobs. After I got the accident, the new jobs I have to work are similar to the one I had already made, so I can work faster than when I was in normal condition
. I predict that the time to finish the job is one month, but God helps me that I can finish that job not more than one week
I am a programmer, so it will be difficult to seek the location of an error when it happens. But God helps me. He guides me to show the location of the error
. It is especially that the error often happens because there is no dot, comma, apostrophe, or other small marks I cannot see clearly with my eye now.But God never fools me
. He guarantees all matters as long as I want to seriously worship and fully entrust my life to Him
I get some miracles when I have to meet my client. Sometimes God works that I can see the picture on a small laptop my client-to be shows me. Sometimes God also gives me wisdom that I can understand his saying when he is in my left side, the side where I am difficult to hear because my left ear is deaf. It is especially in noisy room, so I can only see his lip-movements. Praise the Lord, I can understand his saying to me.
Moreover, Go helps me to buy new car. The installment can be paid sooner. It is an impossible thing, seeing my physical condition and the cost of daily life. But God is able to make impossible things possible by His grace
and He gives me bonus that the result I get by His grace actually is better than the one I got when my physical condition was normal. God is able to work beyond what I can think
Many corrections God does in my life. He more emphasizes in my life that I can do nothing.
Now, I always pray to God when I am going to work and turn on my computer
, something I never do before. Likewise, I pray to Him also after I finish my work
.I feel so powerless and rely only on Him. God reminds me to tell or ask Him in every step I want to take, even in little things.
It is thething I never do before. In facts, it is a foolish thing that makes chaos in my life. If I always tell or ask God, I believe that He will arrange my life in every step I take
Jesus has died for three days and resurrected. I ask the mercy of God that He will spiritually and physically heals me
in the third year after I got the accident, especially for my spiritual life
. I believe that my physical life will be healed if the spiritual one has been healed
.If God lets me not be physically healed but I am in His hand, I will get all things
. If all doctors in the world have given up about my condition, it is my turn now to give up and fully surrender to God
Through the Word I have heard, I do not want to insist anything from God
. Abraham waits for the promise of God and receives it after twenty years old. Who am I whom God never promises to physically heal me?
Therefore, I do not want to insist anything from God. What he has done to me until this time has already been His great grace for me
. Moreover, whatever I do for Him cannot repay His grace in my life
so I am not worthy of insisting anything to Him. What I can do is only worshiping Him more until He gives mercy on me and does whatever good in His sightto my life
.In my limitation, I can feel the power of God becomes more actual in my life.
God blesses you.