Actually God has reproved me several times through His word which was preached by the pastor, but I always postponed it until this week. I could not concentrate on my studies and my assignments. I feel that I have a debt if I do not testify God's goodness and mercy in my life.
There are two things that I want to testify, as follows.
- God helped me when I finished my study in Jakarta. When I was working for my bachelor thesis, my advisor asked me to use a research method which was not commonly used, I did not understand it, and I had never studied it before. He asked me to change everything in my thesis' proposal, and I could not do it at all. When I was searching for references, I found that the method had been used until 2010 only, and there were only few references.
When the deadline was near, I was still working on chapter 4, while my friends had written until chapter 5. At that moment, I was asked to prepare an exam for the students and I thought, how I could do my thesis whileI had to prepare an exam and check my students' works.
I was very confused about how I should managed my time, since I had to have discussion with my advisor, to attend lectures, and to teach. When I gave up and could not do anything, God's hands helped me and I could finish everythingat the right time. God was never too late to help. God was very good that He led me until I could finish my thesis without asking for an additional time.
At my defense, I faced impossibility again. I got a very strict examiner. She was well-known for being a killerbecause it was very rare for her to give a good mark. I thought if I had gotten B or C for my thesis, my GPA would have dropped drastically and I would have not been graduated with a magna cum laude predicate. I could do nothing but surrender. God reminded me that I was not alone. He was always there to help me as long as I believed in Him.
I cried and prayed "God, help me". I felt that I had no power at all. I told my parents and my advisor, "I am sorry if I do not get a good mark". However, God did not stand still. God helped me and my examiner told me that I passed the defense with a very good mark.
I cried and I gave thanks to God. Nothing is impossible for Him. God has never left me. God's power is so real in my life. God did things that I had never thought of.
- God brought me to Surabaya, even though I did not want to. Now I cannot count anymore how many people had asked me why I moved from Jakarta to Surabaya. In 2010, when I went to Jakarta for my study, I did not think about my spiritual condition. I only thought about my study.
At the first semester, I went to several churches but I did not find peace. At the second semester, I went to a church and I went to 3 kinds of service. I went to 3 kinds of service because I longed to minister to God again. However, as I listened more to the word, my heart became doubtful about the teaching.
I was confused and my heart rejected it. There were a lot of differences from what I had listened to before, because not all teachings were the same. I left the services one by one, and finally I only came for the General Service and day by day I became farther and farther from Godlike a lost sheep.
Last year, God brought me to Malang and there was a fellowship on July. It was not a coincidence that I was in Malang. God had a plan to brought me to Malang. When I was in Malang, Pastor Mikha Sanda Toding asked me "In what semester are you now? When will you graduate?" I replied "I am in my seventh semester, and I am working on my thesis now." He said, "After you finish your study, you should move to Surabaya or Malang".
I was really surprised that Pastor Mikha asked me to move, and I directly replied to him "I do not want to, I want to stay in Jakarta". It was so hard for me to move. When I went back to Jakarta, I thought about what he had said to me, and I opened the live streaming service in Malang. I was rebuked by the wordwhich was preached by the pastor. I fell down and asked for forgiveness from God that when I lived in Jakarta, I had never thought about my spiritual condition but my study only. I was really sorry.
God was so good that He let me come back after such a long time being far away from Him. I started to struggle and pray to God, I wanted to learn to surrender all to Him. If He wanted me to move, I would. There was fellowship in Jakarta, and Pastor Paulus Sanda Toding called me and said "If you want to be in the true shepherding, you should move".
I prayed to God, if by moving I could be in the true shepherding, I would move. In December, I talked with my parents. My mother agreed if I moved but my father did not.
My father asked, "What about your scholarship? You are a lecturer's assistant, what would you do?"
I did not mean to brag about it, but I got a lot of achievements during my study and I got a scholarship in BINUS University to continue my study in the post-graduate program, and I even had an offer after I finished my master, but I really wanted to be in the true shepherding. I was willing to let everything go, even though it was so hard at the beginning because I wanted it. Someone told me, "Without being in the true shepherding, even though you are a bachelor, a master, or a doctor, it means nothing".
I gave thanks to God that He rebuked me. My father did not really agree, so I prayed to God. Before I did my thesis defense, I talked to my father again, and he said yes, and he even helped me to prepare everything for my moving to Surabaya.
It was God's mercy that He had controlled and given me the best way.
My advisor was very disappointed that I moved to Surabaya, but no matter where I would continue my study, it was up to God. The most important thing was that I could be in the true shepherding.
There were a lot of things that made me worry, especially about my future. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I should not waste the chance that God still gave me, and I had to put God as my priority. I learnt to surrender all to God. I did not know what God's plan for my future was, but I believed that it would be the best and the most beautiful for my life.
Before moving to Surabaya, I said goodbye to my pastor in Jakarta, but he said something that made me very frightened. For about a month in Surabaya, sometimes I cried and ran to God's feet. His words really made me afraid.
When there was a fellowship in Empire Palace, my uncle, who was a pastor in Kalimantan, called me and said "If you have any problem, tell me." I did not know why he called me and asked me, but it was true, I felt that my burden was too heavy and I could not bear it anymoreat that moment. My uncle said, "As the time goes by, you will be filled with the word, and you will be able to forget everything. All of your doubts will be answered."
The things that made me doubtful were answered one by one by God through the word which was preached by the pastor. God restored my life. I was changed by God, especially my spiritual life.
The word about the sprinkle of the blood really made me strong and of good courage. It is true that we need to bear the cross in order to minister to God. I can only worship under God's feet until He gives me his mercy. I have to learn to be patient in waiting for God's time.
God blesses us.