I want to testify the love of God in renewing my physical and spiritual life.
After I had finished the final project for post-graduate level, my advisor lecturer gave advice to me to apply for the job as a lecturer in a private university in Surabaya. I did it. I sent the application letter to a private university in Surabaya in December 2015. After the psycho-test, I got announcement that I was rejected. I was disappointed, but then there was a belief in my heart to keep on believing that God had a more beautiful plan for my life for sure.
I also got the opportunity to be interviewed and tested by two companies before the graduation, but I rejected them because the working time would hinder me to serve to God.
After getting my diploma, I tried to apply for some private universities in Surabaya and Malang. I also tried to apply for some companies because of the thought that it was impossible for me to be a lecturer.
As a matter of fact, I got no call at all to get the interview or test. I thought "How can it happen? I have had the diploma of post-graduate, but my condition is getting difficult." I felt that my future life was so gloomy and without any hope or light. All doors seemed closed to me. I felt that I fell more deeply day by day.In my hopelessness, I could only cry at the feet of the Lord and pour my heart to Him. I said "Lord, I am tired. I do not know what to do. Please, reveal Your will in my life." I started to do introspection in my life through the revelation of God's Word.
I returned to the ministry and longed for being used by God more. I kept on praying, but I neglected and delayedto obey the calling of God in my life to help the ministry in Sunday School Service because of my worry and fear that I could not do anything in that ministry. Every time God stirred my heart to do that ministry, I did the bidding to God and said "God, do not command me to do that kind of ministry because I am nothing. I am afraid of being unable to give the example." I felt so unworthy.
My mistake was in my prayer, namely asking physical things first as the requirement to increase in spiritual things although God had stirred my heart to minister to Him in Sunday School Service. Consequently, all ways are shut. Nevertheless, the Word was preached repetitively to rebuke me to prioritize the spiritual things first and not to worry because God would add the physical things to me.
I realized that I had many weaknesses. I prayed to God again after doing introspection. I believed that if the ministry came from God, He Himself would give me ability to do the ministry until the end line and I would not be able to avoid it anymore. After hearing the Word of God more, I did not want to carelessly decide to take a ministry because I realized that every ministry had to be accounted for before God, not before any human. Finally, I asked the pastor in May whether he permitted me to take the ministry in Sunday Scholl Service or not and he permitted me.
The next day, I got a call from a private university in Surabaya to do the presentation and the interview process. A company also called me to do the interview process. I asked the pastor to pray for my presentation and interview process in that university.
Afterwards, I felt down, knowing that my rivals were skillful with doctoral degree and many experiences. Comparing to them, I was nothing because I had no experience as a lecturer; even I was so young and had just graduated.
I could not answer well in the interview process with the head of study program and the vice-head of study program; even my answers were not related to the questions. I thought that I could not be accepted to work there because of such bad result of the presentation and interview process. Nevertheless, nothing was impossible for God because after four days, I got the call for psycho-test as the next recruitment process. I asked for the prayer of the pastor again for doing that psycho-test.I could only pray to get the proper job according to the will of God while I was waiting for the result of the psycho-test. I just thought that I wanted to keep on giving thanks whatever result I would receive.
After waiting for about two weeks, my friend told me about the acceptance letter via email from the university. I felt down because I did not get any email like that. I cried in my hopelessness after serving to God in Youth Service. But, on the next four days I got an email that told me to wait for the next information. The next email that announced me to continue to the next process, namely final interview process with the Human Resource Department, came on the next day. I prayed to God to give thanks to Him for His mercy at that time.
God taught me to patiently wait for His time until He Himself worked directly to solve all things. When I was weak, He gave me strength to keep on believing that the hope in Him would never disappoint me.
I could pass the final interview process with the Human Resource Department as well as the medical check-up well.
The Lord never deceives us. He returns to me according to His will everything which has been lost.
I trembled because of the amazing work of God in my young life which could not be understood by the mind of human.
I must be honest that the failure and rejection in the past has already made me disappointed, ashamed, and more pessimistic.
I can realize from this experience that high diploma and good marks cannot give guarantee in the midst of difficulties in the world if we do not fully hope in God and prioritize the service and ministry to Him. God wants to form my life so that I can be humble and confess that my life is only like clay, which is nothing without God.
God has lifted my young life physically and spiritually this year. Although in the beginning I had to cry bitterly, but then God gave me a great joy instead. He truly will never let His children be ashamed if we prioritize the service and ministry to Him.
I also want to ask for the forgiveness of my fellow ministers of God, all of the congregation, and the pastor and the wife for the mistake I have done until being stumbling-block. Because of not understanding many things yet, I still need to learn more to do the ministry until I can be well-pleasing before God.
Thank you for the intercession prayer and attention from the pastor and the wife.
This is my testimony. I hope it can be blessing and power for all of us.