2013 was the year of increase for me, both in spiritual and physical life, including my struggle and the tearing to my flesh.
It was along with the Shepherding Word that was sharper than before to rebuke and correct my life much more from the things I often did not realize, up to the service and ministry to God.
There were three emphasized things in the Word of God in 2013that were repeated for me, namely peace, fully surrendering to God or obedience, and good courage or strong heart.
While I was persevering in doing the three main services to God, the longing for ministering to God becomes deeper, but I often did not realize that I wanted to make it real by my own poweruntil I walked without accordance to God’s will and became disappointed, sad, and failed.
This was my condition. I often felt so strong and right in my own opinion and liked to blame my children and husband when there were problems in our marriage. I was also not patient in waiting for the time of God.
I often did not realize thatI had diverted the trust of God and duty in marriage to other people and hoped in themin order to help my marriage and children with the way that was not in line with the plan of God. Consequently, God allowed me toface many things that were not in line with my will and plan.
Nevertheless, I could realize and be corrected to confess my sin and ask the forgiveness to God through the things I had to face.
I tried to change with the help of God’s Word. Entering 2013, I got an extra power to endure it.
I felt that there were many shakings that came suddenly from inside and outside and hit the boat of our marriage this year, such as diseases, problems, the influences of the chaos of the world, strange voices, and so on.
But, the Word of God does not fool.
We, especially I, could be silent although we must face all of the shakings. Therefore, I could pray to surrenderto God with strong heartin facing all things He had allowed to happen.
I experienced victories together with God.
I could feel the Word. Moreover, I could see its manifestation. My marriage and I myself could start to changefrom the little thing I could see. I started to keep silent, my husband could open (not hide) many thingsto me, my children began to be obedient, we could be honestand learn to receive each other as well as give thanksalways to God.
As a result, our marriage became more joyful although shakings and struggling still happened, and God was always with us.
The more I threw away my sins, changed in my life, and obeyed the Word, the more I got satisfaction in my spiritual lifeand firmness in my consecration to minister to God. I could understand more about the things I had to do or not to do because my sensitivity was increased. As a result, I could correct my life and be careful in ministering to God while keeping the holiness.
It is not easy indeed to obey the Word as well as to testify. Like a shining lamp, we must to be burnt or sacrifice willingly to become the light.
But, the Word has promised that the Lord will accompany and give miraculous abilityif we willingly try hard. Moreover, He will give us a greater trust for ministering the perfect body of Christ.
In the beginning of October, I got the blessing and trust of God to continue my studyin Demenz(Gerontology) for caring old people.
It was impossible for me because there was no plan for it. My supervisor in the office where I worked offered me to study specially in Gerontology.
I did not answer immediately at that time because there were many thoughts in my mind, one of which was about my service to God.
I prayed and phoned Rev. Widjaja at that time to ask his advice and prayer. His prayer was about surrendering to God; let it be done if it was the will of God and let God remove it if it was not according to His will.
I kept silent at that time and surrendered so that the will of God would be done.
The process was not easy, even it was impossible that I could be accepted because I was not a native and had no ability to face many competitors who had more potential. The Lord reminded me about the baby Moseswho could not do anything but crying and stretching the handsto hope the mercy of God. I did it until finally God’s hand helped and lifted me up. I was accepted to continue my study and got a bonus to finish my study only for two years and a half whereas other people had to finish their study for three years. Let the name of God be glorified.
The Lord never fools.
In these three months, God had helped me in many things so that all matters could be done well and fluently. God always opens the wayfor my desire to keep on persevering faithfully in doing my service and ministry to Him in the midst of my busier activities. The tearing of the flesh must be increased.
I try hard not to be separated from Godbecause I know that all things I have done successfully in the world will be meaningless if I am left behind when Jesus comes a second time.
Thank you. May God pour the abundant blessings for us.